I Masturbated to that…


I am somewhat of a porno enthusiast. I love porn and not that shit that’s on the internet. I am talking about the classics, the porn you use to pop in the VCR and watch over and over again until you memorized every scene.  Making pornos used to be an art form. They were real films, with intriguing storylines, great acting and some real innovative directing. I remember how excited I used to get when a new release would come out. Now with the internet the whole industry has gone to shit. They rush everything. I remember the days where you had to watch a whole porno to see a money shot or a facial or an anal cream pie. Now you just click on the facial category and bam thousands of facial and creampie clips come on your screen. There’s no build up, there’s no climax, it’s just cuts to the chase or should I say it cuts right to the jizz.

Big dave says Boom! to stump porn

Big dave says Boom! to stump porn

One of my all time favorite Pornos is Long Jeanne Silver. I remember when I first came across the Long Jeanne Silver at the video store. I was kind of skeptical about it at first because the cover didn’t seem too catchy and the title wasn’t very original but I purchased it anyway because the story sounded interesting. When I got home I sat down and watched and wept. The character of Jeanne Silver really captured my heart. The courage she portrayed during the film was something else and some of the sex scenes were downright exhilarating. Long Jeanne Silver was one of the weirdest films I have ever masturbated to, so I got to thinking and thought I would come up with a list of the weirdest films or images I’ve ever jerked it to.

WEIRDEST SHIT I’VE EVER MASTURBATED TO:

Lois Griffin

Family Guy is one my favorite television shows. I’ve watched the show since it first came on and the more I watch the more horny I get for Lois Griffin. Everything about her turns me on, her voice, her tits, her orange hair. One night I typed Lois Griffin in Google and came across this photo and masturbated to it…and that was pretty weird.

My Own Top Ten Sexiest Sex Offenders List

Last week I created my list of the ten sexiest sex offenders as I was doing the research for the list. I began reading their stories and looking at their jail photos and I got horny and I masturbated to them…and that was a pretty weird.

The Video Game The Sims

I bought the game The Sims the other day. The only real objective of the game is to organize the Sims’ time to help them reach personal goals. Instead of doing that I created four hot chicks and tried to make them lez out. I couldn’t do that but one night I had them pillow fight each other and I masturbated to that…and that was pretty weird.

Somewhere Under The Rainbow

Midget porn

Big Dave says BOOm! to midget porn.

A friend of mine bought me this film a while back. I never thought to watch it not because of the midgets or anything it’s just I’m not into Hungarian porn. The main character Panther a 2’6 dwarf with testicles the size of rat shit and a penis the size of a nipple on an African Tribes woman is the real star of the film. In one scene he buttfucks a regular size woman, I masturbated to that…and that was pretty weird.

The Hot Rabbit Hooker from The Movie Who Framed Roger Rabbit

As a kid I owned a copy of Who Framed Roger Rabbit. One day my parents were out in the yard swimming and I was inside watching Who Framed Roger Rabbit for probably the 50th time. The scene when the sexy little Rabbit Hooker comes on stage and seduces the detective was on and I masturbated to that when I was nine years old…and that was pretty weird.

– Big Dave, BOOm!

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