The All-White vs. The All-Black Basketball Game


The All-White vs. The All-Black Basketball Game

I was shooting some hoops this morning at the local rec center. I witnessed the sorriest thing I’ve ever seen. I witnessed twenty or so grown men standing in awe at the sight of a couple of spooks, wearing baggy shorts, doo rags, and Nike Airs. This behavior is so typical for white people. They get intimated by the mere sight of a black person especially on the basketball court. Sure spooks can jump higher than shit and they might know some crazy dribbling techniques – but most spooks nowadays can’t shoot for shit. They have no fundamentals and they wouldn’t know how to play real basketball to save their lives. I wanted to beat these guys so bad- but my ACL started acting up when the game was about to start.  So I just went home iced my knee and dreamt up an all white, all American-born basketball team that could match up against an all black team. It would be just like the basketball game in American History X.  Except none of these white guys are racists. Well maybe Larry Bird…he did sign every white player in the NBA to play on his Indiana Pacers.

Ground Rules: I took Michael Jordan and Kobe off the black team because they don’t act black. They both talk white. Kobe rapes white chicks and was born in Italy. Jordan plays golf and owns an NBA franchise. I’m also moving Karl Malone to the white team because he acts whiter than most white people I know…Oh and Karl Malone won’t let Magic play in the game because he has AIDS.

The Teams: All players are in their  primes.

The Black Team:

Led by Chris Anderson

Chris Anderson (Blackest White Guy Ever)

Starters: C. Dwight Howard PF. Kevin Garnet SF. LeBron James SG. Dwyane Wade PG. Chris Paul

Bench: Shaq, Paul Peirce, Derrick Rose, Kevin Durant, Carmelo Anthony, Rajon Rando, Chris Anderson



The White Team:

Led by Karl Malone

Karl Malone (Whitest Black Guy Ever)

Starters: C. Bill Walton PF. Kevin Mchale SF. Larry Bird SG. Chris Mullen PG. John Stockon

Bench: Mark Price, Tom Chambers, Jack Sikma, Danny Ainge, Bill Laimbeer, Karl Malone and Big Dave

Outcome: Whites: 123 Blacks: 109: Too many egos on the Black team. LeBron chokes like he always chokes. Paul Peirce fakes an injury, cries, and gets carted out on a wheelchair. The Whites have a good balance of star players and role players. They control the boards and their ball movement is solid.

Stars of the Game: Larry Legend gets a triple double (30 10 and 10) and Big Dave drops 25pts and 12 rebs off the bench.

– Big Dave, BOOm!

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