Fatherly Advice

What your dads’ should have taught you:

Lesson 100: No man should ever  give another man fashion advice.

Lesson 101: No man should ever compliment another man on his looks.

Lesson 102: No man should ever ask for another man’s phone number through a 3rd party. Example: Dan: Hey Randy, can I get Bob’s number? He seems like a real cool guy.

Lesson 103: While driving in a car-  it is NOT okay for a man in the passenger seat to share the center console with the man driving.

Lesson 104: Never sing aloud while driving in a car with another man. Exception: You may sing with other men  if the group is larger than 4 and the song your singing is  a drinking/military/anthem type song.

Lesson 105: Never hesitate to eat the last slice of pizza/or any other food – asking is gay.

Lesson 106: No man should ever step into a tanning saloon/booth with the sole intention to tan.

Lesson 107: No man should ever get a tattoo on his lower back.

Lesson 108: No man should ever wear a winter hat (beanie, etc.) during warm months.

Lesson 109: Girls who say they have “guy friends” are usually whores.

Lesson 110: Men never make mistakes.

Lesson: 111: A man doesn’t need to back up anything he says with facts. Fact supporting, is a trait adopted by women so that men will take what they say more seriously. By the way, don’t take anything a woman says seriously. That’s not a lesson but it should be.

Lesson 112: Don’t take anything a woman says seriously.

Lesson 113: No man should ever let another man open a door for him. Men open doors for women.  So the next time a man is opening the door for you think to yourself, “Does this motherfucker think I’m a woman?”

Lesson 114: Avoid getting in a car with a woman driver. Women can’t drive for shit. If there is no way out and you’re forced to sit in the passenger seat then make sure to buckle up, hold on tightly and be as nervous and uncomfortable as possible.

Lesson 115: Don’t fall for it- when a woman tells you that she has a migraine. Women made up sicknesses like migraines and menopause so that they could get out of work and other shit they don’t want to do.

Lesson number 116: Do not ever get fucking married

Lesson 117: Don’t dance. The only dancing a man should do is at a wedding. Slow dancing. Not nightclub dancing.

Lesson 118: Do not fuck with Transsexuals. (Blowjobs and hand jobs are exceptions. They can be enjoyable if the tranny is post op and of Asian decent.)

Lesson 119: Treat sex as a form of exercise; never let a woman see you enjoy it.

Lesson 119A: Do not get “faggoty” in the bedroom. (Getting “faggoty” in the bedroom includes but is not limited to; cuddling, spooning, lighting romantic candles, fondling, foreplay, etc.)

Lesson 120: A real man should not wear queer ass pajamas to sleep. He should be shirtless or nude no matter how cold it is.

Lesson 121: When in extreme conditions where it is impossible to find another bed. Two men can share one without being queery or faggoty if sleeping ‘back to back’ or ‘face to foot’ or any other way that does not involve you looking directly into another man’s eyes when trying to sleep.

Lesson 122: A real man should not be afraid to shit in public. Unless you are in an un-American country, then feel free to shit all over their already shit filled soil.

Lesson 123: No man should own a cat.

Lesson 124: No man should put clothes on their dogs.

Lesson 125: At all possible a man should avoid drinking out of straws.

Lesson 126: No man should ever lose a stare down with a woman.

Lesson 127: Only during emergency circumstances should a man ask another man for directions…but under NO circumstance should a man ask a woman for directions.

Lesson 128: No man should use or even have the urge to use the following in a text: happy face, sad face, happy face w/wink, lol, brb, ttyl, lamo, omg, –  a man should also use exclamation marks sparingly

Lesson 129: A man should never lose to a woman in a sport or anything for that matter.

Lesson 130: A man should never call another man just to chat.

Lesson 131: No man should ever order a steak well done.

Lesson 132: Two men at a restaurant should never plan on splitting anything on the menu. Exception: Financial reasons.

Lesson 132: A man should limit that amount of times he whispers in his life.

Lesson 133: A man should never watch any of the Twilight films by himself or in the company of other men. (This is punishable by death).

Lesson 134: No man should wear pink.

Lesson 135: Baking is for women.

Lesson 136: No should take orders from a woman.

Lesson 137: No should ever say he’s metrosexual. It’s either you’re gay or not.

Lesson 138: No man should ever get a massage from another man. A man should always request a woman. A man should always ask for happy ending, even at Non-Asian massage parlors.

Lesson 139: No man should use or even know the name of one of these things –

– Big Dave, BOOm!

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3 Responses to Fatherly Advice

  1. Tom Waters says:

    I had a question for you big Dave… As you have some funny posts on your site, I have a more serious question. You say you give fatherly advice, right? Well I wanted to know how I can better please my girlfriend of three months. I don’t have the biggest of cocks (about 5″) she has recently complaining of me not satisfying her enought. I tried to bang her, eat her out, and nothing has worked. Can you please help me out!

    • boomamerica says:

      hahahahah…Tom, come on, you sound like a PUSSY and I know you’re not a pussy because you came to my site…You have done a couple things wrong and only one thing right. The one thing you did right, was you asked you’re Uncle Dave for advice. The things you did wrong are; 1. You decided it would be a good idea to have a girlfriend. 2. You care about the size of cock – Sure a 5 inch purple headed yogurt slinger is small, but who gives a shit. This whole idea of satisfying your woman is complete bullshit, it’s that Cosmo magazine crap that these women read nowadays. Big Dave loves to see women lay there unsatisfied after he slays them with his huge giant liver lifter. He actually takes it to a whole different level, by only letting his women give him handjobs- so that they don’t get ANY enjoyment out of it. Only a privileged few get to be slain by his magnificent cock.

      Tom I want you to go home and punish that dumb girlfriend of yours by only allowing her to give you handjobs for 3 straight months. That will set her straight.

      BOOm! Big Dave

  2. rmh says:

    You are the worst person.

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